What is NOT mindfulness?

Only Total Calm

Somehow in order to meditate, that is, in order to be with actual experience as it unfolds, we have to let go of the idea that we want to be calm. It's counter-intuitive!

We may certainly be calm sometimes, but that will arise in dependence on the right conditions. Trying to force ourselves to be calm, thinking we should be calm when we're not, are not the right conditions! These kinds of attitudes not only do not help us meditate, but they in fact add an element of struggle to our situation, thereby making it more difficult. Why try something when it already seems like we've failed?

Practicing mindfulness means we simply acknowledge what is happening. We do not pick and choose (ideally) what we are willing to acknowledge. We accept it all. Over time we will learn to trust the practice and notice the calming effect that happens naturally.

Only Positive Thoughts

Positive thinking is a way of using our thoughts to put a positive spin on a situation that we otherwise might interpret negatively. Positive thinking includes visualizing a positive outcome for example, or focusing on constructive, happy thoughts. It's the difference between 'problem' and 'opportunity'. Positive thinking also disregards or ignores negative thoughts. Research suggests there are health benefits to positive thinking. So by saying that mindfulness is not positive thinking, I am not saying that it is useless or that one shouldn't do it - I'm simply saying that mindfulness is not the same as positive thinking. Why not?

Because mindfulness does not mean being optimistic or thinking positively. It means being realistic. What is happening right now is what is realistic. Thinking, This is never going to end, or, I really LOVE this traffic jam, are probably not realistic. It's just layering interpretations over interpretations.

One morning looking out my window I saw that it was overcast and foggy, and I had heard it was going to be raining a lot that weekend, so I put on my rain boots. When I walked outside I noticed the ground was completely dry, and the clouds were not rain clouds. This is because I can only see the sky from my window, I could not see the ground. In the same way, when we pay attention to thoughts and their effect, we connect more with what is actually happening, rather than a rumor.

At least sometimes we have positive thoughts, and we can be mindful of them. We can be mindful of negative thoughts. Ideally we would be mindful of both a thought as it appears, and our response to the thought.

Check out this video from RSAnimate: "Smile or Die."

Only a Blank Mind

This relates again to our ideas about how meditation is supposed to be. In order to meditate we have to empty our mind yes? Otherwise we're not really meditating, right? There may be certain schools or philosophies of meditation that teach this view. In our system of meditation, we are training ourselves to be with actual experience as it unfolds.

One thing that characterizes human experience is that we can think. If we couldn't, we could not survive. So thinking can be helpful but it can also cause us stress. It can come between us and direct experience. We can be mesmerized by it! So we need to be aware of it.

Don't try not to think - what's more productive and enjoyable is to explore your relationship to your thoughts and your mind!